a fresh start

After a whole day pottering around, today is a new start for to concentrate on my writing now. Hong Kong is not a pleasant place in May or June in terms of its miserable weather. The humidity is a killer and somehow it feels like worse than that in Wuhan in Summer. Low pressure together with the humidity press against my chest, I just couldn't help hiding in air-conditioning room which I dislike very much. There is no other way apparently. Anyway, back to my day today, what I would like to achieve today is writing a paragraph or two; making a list of things that I would like doing but too emotional to do sometimes; arranging my books and giving them a better order; going to a coffee shop to read after all these having been done to celebrate my little steps. Let me do it.

Morning after a good-night sleep!

I always feel much better after a good night sleep. The whole world is different... we made up... David and I finally after a few days fighting... it is quite different from usual. I feel we both have learned something that we never really considered before. For me, that is compassion. That sounds quite weird in this context, isn't? As I explained in my last post, compassion is something that you feel for someone else. Today, it is the first time for a very long while that we really feel for each other. It was very romantic as well. He cooked some Peruvien dishes that he was familiar with and invited me for the dinner. The effort earned its own credits. I loved it, not just that I loved the exotic tastes of the dishes, but the effort. But more important is that, he appears to be compassionate with what's around, what I said and things that happened then. It was the first time that we discussing about serious topics without misunderstanding each other. We are more compassionate with each other.

About compassion

Came across a youtube video about a child protody today. This kid graduated from Washionton University with three degrees at age of 14 and just is doing his PhD on Neuron science at age 16 at Stanford University. He is outstanding athelet winning competition in swimming and thirantholon. During his spare time, he and his brother started an organization called the Worlds' children aiming to help children from developing and underdeveloped countries. When his father was interviewed about what else is important apart from his academic education, his father replied "compassion, we educate him to be compassionate about things and the world around". I was soon attracted by the concept being compassionate. What is compassion? The clearest definition is from Wikilipedia so far "Compassion is an understanding of the emotional state of another or oneself. Not to be confused with empathy, compassion is often combined with a desire to alleviate or reduce the suffering of another or to show special kindness to those who suffer. However, compassion may lead an individual to feel empathy with another person."
Almost all major religions in the word talk about compassion. “Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience”

Bible quotes

Teach this triple truth to all: A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things which renew humanity.”

Buddha quotes (Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B.C.)

“Whether one believes in a religion or not, and whether one believes in rebirth or not, there isn't anyone who doesn't appreciate kindness and compassion.”

Dalai Lama quotes (Head of the Dge-lugs-pa order of Tibetan Buddhists, 1989 Nobel Peace Prize, b.1935)

“A religious man is a person who holds God and man in one thought at one time, at all times, who suffers harm done to others, whose greatest passion is compassion, whose greatest strength is love and defiance of despair.”

Abraham J. Heschel quotes (Jewish theologian and philosopher, 1907-1972) In addition,

“A human being is part of a whole, called by us the Universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”

Albert Einstein quotes (German born American Physicist who developed the special and general theories of relativity. Nobel Prize for Physics in 1921. 1879-1955)

Another huge explosion

Another huge explosion just set off between David and I. Shouting and yelling like flood that were unstoppable. It all came because I was giving David nutrient tablets and he refused to take it by repeating " I don't want to take it" ten to twenty times. He wouldn't listen to my reasoning and every time I started to say something, he repeated the same sentences to me over and over again like a spoiled child. I wouldn't get this angry if he didn't take the tablets the last couple of days. He took them without any complains, it appeared to me that he had accepted the necessity of taken those. All of the sudden, he felt that I was in control of him. At first, his behaviour was bit funny to as he repeated the same sentences over like a kid and I was laughing as well. Then he just shut me out completely by not allowing me to say anything. I blew up! I am giving him those for his health save, not mine. He drank coke, coffee and beer one after another in the middle of night very often. He eats like and sweats like a xxx usually... I am really worrying about his health. Maybe it is relevant that by giving those health tablets would make me feel slightly better. He doesn't appreciate it ... sod it... I'd better take care myself then.

Not an office person!

A little bit sick with office politics... I have always trying to keep away from it but as sensitive as I am it is much of effort. Maybe I would be good at politics, especially on public relations but that has far passed by my personal interests. More importantly, I don't appreciate that people profit by playing power. We all are exercising our power every day even maybe when we have passed away, we still will do. It is just that we wouldn't know about it. The point is there are just only certain things I would like to care about and exercise my power on. The office politics comes the least of my interests, but sometimes when I am in the situation, I just couldn't pretend I am blind or deaf. I probably can put on my earphone and just looked at my own computer screen. Things do happen around. The problem is the more I try to ignore, the more I am bit curious what is happening out there although I may not like what I see and hear at all. Would it be much more efficient if I just work from home. I just completely miss the point that I have to go to the office two and half days a week while I could do my work at any locations I choose, and that includes my home or coffee shop. However, just by staying in the office makes me more aware how precious the time I have at home. I am completely against anti-social and I am not, but it is better not to intervene my social life with work. Don't know if it is wise enough, but it would suit me the most at the moment.

Life is around work at the moment

I don't even remember if I said this before or not. It is getting late for me that I can't even think properly. I am writing for two projects that can be equally important for my career development. I hate to say it " career development". Partially it is true, yes if I can get them published, it would give me some credits on my study and future job hunting. Never mind, I actually see the double booked writing projects as precious development into becoming a good writer. Don't ask me what kind of writer yet. At this stage, I just want to write down what I think of my interested topics, most of them related to what I am working on. That's all what I am aiming for... Write clearer, concise, in my own style... The first two points were given by one of my English teacher in the past, either Patrick or some one I worked with. The last one I insist... Style is some concept that I can't really work on, it just develop gradually depending on how much I communicate or interact with the others either in words or verbally. Somehow, it doesn't sound right... I need my bed now.

What a beautiful morning !

Although it is Tuesday, it feels like Monday because yesterday was the public holiday- Buddha's birthday. We did not go out and celebrate it mainly because they might have been may people out there. Instead we stayed int yesterday to get ready to work again, even though our friends invited us to a beach. It was very tempting as the weather was gorgeous. For me, it is just not alright to leave work for too long, especially nowadays I haven't found my work routine yet. This vital important as doing a PhD is about developing my own work routine. I had the discussion with David and also looked online to see what other PhD students or grads would say about their PhD life. There was almost one unitary voice among all that being an PhD student or academic, I need to be very well disciplined with my time and work. No one will push me behind, no one will guide me much in front. I need to take initiatives in fulfilling many projects. What is troubling me very much is the writing processes. For that, the best advice I have received is that write something every day instead of waiting until finishing up all the reading.
I guess my future supervisor want to train me from now on. She set myself into writing a book chapter with her for the deadline of August. Believe it or not, I have signed up for it. Well of course I would when I am asked to do so and my name will be in the first author. It also means that I will write almost all the chapter by myself. It is exciting but I start to realize it is also a tough job now. According to the word limit, I need to writing 1000-2000 words every week in order to keep up a good pace.
It is me always challenging myself with some tasks that I am not complete sure how I can finish it. I am biting my lips... but also typing continuously.