Finally get over of jet lag.

Finally I have got over my jet lag, so now I have not any excuse for not working. Just the thought of work makes me feel lazy again. Sitting here typing down my complains, I feel slightly self-pity. I really do not want to write at all. With too much emotion into the writing, I don't know how to do it really. Just now, I was distracted by job emails although I am in no position of finding a job at all. What do I need to write today? I need to write or finish writing the research report that I carried out. However, I have long lost interests in it already, not the topic but the writing process. I wish there was someone who would like to talk with me about it. Why do I keep telling myself that. Quite practically, I should also start revising the article that I writing with Cammie. That one seems to be more interesting in a way since I have put a lot of effort into the writing already. Still, the writing process can be so tough and torturing. Especially when the thoughts lost its relevance. I mean relevance by the contact that is irrelevant to my current life. I feel I am constructing some ideas in theory and in the air. It is not quite touching down the ground. Although I know what I would like to say, but words are not easily postulated into arguments. I kept procrastinating, but once I sat down and started to type, I just couldn't get flow. What is wrong?

Another friend is leaving.

Having heard the news that one friend is leaving Hong Kong triggers my emotions of sadness, disappointment and self-pity. The stresses of living in Hong Kong resumes, it seems. Our summer holiday in Europe gave us a lot of relaxation and reflection so I was ready to come back and work again. Just three days at work, the old memories of tiredness, anxious and complains about the boss flushed towards my mind. I tried to shut them down and keep them outside of my mind, my effort wasn't all in vain as I have kept telling myself:"just two and a half weeks left, your new life begins afterwards." Will I really have a new life after my present work? I don't have an answer, I don't know, but I guess I am just ready to move on like I did for the summer holiday. Three weeks staying with David's family in Europe had been tiring but also full of joy and surprises. Everyday there was something new to see and know. At one point, I even felt there was too much to take a time for myself. However, I was really happy because I had told myself it was my holiday and I didn't need to do anything. Back to work, I was all ready to start fresh and it has been. But as the freshness of back from holiday is start to fade from me, I slowly find myself being dragged by what was remained unchanged, the work. The jet lag doesn't help either. No, I would like to maintain the freshness, at least making the fading speed slower. I start to think what really relaxed me during the holiday, the beautiful scenery with green forests and quietness. What else? staying with family makes me feel calm and secure, although they are more of David's family, my extended one. Kids' smile and laugh were spiritual comfort. Not everything I liked for holiday, in fact I was anxious to get back to work. After several interrupted attempts, I decided to just leave the work as it is. But now I am back to work, in addition, everything in Hong Kong that reminds me of work freaks me a bit on the contrary. People's life is around work or money here. It would be a rare scene to see people take a break for the break sake. Taking a short break is preparing for continuing a better work performance, that's how I understand my colleagues so far. I am getting philosophical again... I will resume this later.

Back from holiday and I can't fell asleep

Just after two hours of sleeping, I woke up and complained about the noisiness of my husband's heavy breathing and the wind blowing into the room from the pipe in the wall. Since then, I tried to use ear plugs. It didn't work because it was so much quieter and unnaturally quiet that my mind pitching all sorts of ideas and projects that I would like to achieve in the following days and weeks. I was patient and conscious enough to persuade myself that it is just jet lag. Stop panicking. In fact David's noses are not really behaving, they blocked his breath quite often, so he has to rely on his breathing through his mouth. That is one of my projects that I would like to schedule in some time this week or next. The trouble is that David sometimes can be very denial and excusable that he would find excuses of postponing it, eventually he expected me to forget about it. Not for this time. I just need to be firmer and more organized with him. Hong Kong is just so so humid that every breath I take is like sieving some water through noses. Sitting in our nice apartment facing fantastic view of the harbor, what would I complain? Life is in fact very good for us, without debts, without children, without annoying relatives (of course nice relatives as well, I couldn't see that as part of good life, without nice relatives and friends). From living with in-laws in Germany for three weeks back to busy and hot life in Hong Kong, there is a gap. I can't tell which part is more realistic than the other. Probably Hong Kong because our work is here. But we have no long term friends or close relatives living close by. Life here appear to be a bit hysterical and detaching from everyone we knew in the past. The detachment, however, creates some looping space for both David and me who seeing us belongs to either Hong Kong, Germany, or inside China. We are living in between, between people, people's life, places. The trouble might be that we will not like to stay at one place for long since everything will gradually appear too clear for you distinguish, therefore it spoils the imagination of living that place. Thoughts have driven me around in this humid Hong Kong air that I would like to deny having memory of. Life in Hong Kong for us will restart in 6 hours or so. The anxiety has already kicked in that we yelled at each other for something tiny. It seems that when reaching certain period time of life, the knowledge of what life should be like and what life is like in reality creates an contradiction in emotion. If the knowledge is not appropriately initiated, it creates emotional chaos and riots. To know or not know of them, that is not a question for consciousness but for unconsciousness. I am getting philosophical, using Graham's comments about me.