Feeling tired...

Don't know why. I feel really tired, of everything at the moment. Maybe I am coming to the low tide of emotion. Went shopping for the last two weeks to fully furnish our apartment. Now everything is almost settled, I suddently feel empty for some strange reasons. It is because of the PhD I am trying to work on, things are just not working the speed I wanted. I am not satisfied with the efficiency or dedication. I couldn't really say that I have put all my heart in. Should I? Working in this department, I feel very lonely given that lots of people surrounded. In some way, I feel I am working in the dark, every now and then there will be some one walking by holding a torch so that I could borrow some lights. I just don't feel I have enough energy and brain power to handle all these... emotionally. 'who asked you to react emotionally?'. You don' t have to, what would man do? Just deal with it... deal with your problems and combat it... no emotion, just action... pack your tears, 'there is just so much to do, i don't think I can handle them all..' do it one thing after another, do it in the way that takes least of your effort and efficient results... do it smartly... you don't have to be perfect, you don't need to be perfect because no one is...but I just feel I am not really responsible for what I do anymore, I want to feel that I am responsible..things are not mutually exclusive... you need to learn more tricks to juggle and when you finish juggling learn how to unwire things...how hard do I have to push myself? I feel I have pushed so far that I am losing my power...really? you are strong, you just need to collect yourself together and fight... remember when you are doing yoga? after 30 minutes you wanted to give up because it is either boring or getting too hard... but you stay on and on... you have done it so many other things in the same way... why can't you do this? because this is so much hard! my brain hurts when I just think about writing up things... or dealing with teaching there... I need holiday to reboost... 'do take a holiday' . the problem is tha I needed so many that I can't really afford. I have lost my previous weekend to work related or moving flat realted things, I couldn't really relax anyway...every hour I take a rest, I am losing time to work more efficiently... 'you are going into a vicious circle at the moment... why feel guilty? things happen, good or bad... move on and do what you can do... and ' but I really axious, anxious that I might not be able to finish the manuscript, works for the independent study and my own phd proposal in time... when everything are jointed together...i feel i am lossing the grib. There is no other way out...dear...follow what you have to do to combat your fear, your anxiety and your frustration... let them go so you can start working...