No he does not care...

I have been in pain with my neck and head and came home in tears. He did not see, ask, and care to even get close to me. Cold blood, yeah that's the first word popped into my head. Why should he care? I didn't ask him, so there is no need. I guess. The thoughts of dying keep circling around my head. People who I know died from headache, suffered from brain tumor, or went abnormal in behaviour because of the tumor cells grew into the head. They were two acquaintances and the other one was my father. I am scared, very scared and also upset about my own situation. The headache has been there for about a week and I went to clinic at university, but no doctor was available for my problem. My whole head feels that filled with air and it is about to exploded from the back. It also feels that some airs trapped inside and could not come out at all. I need to get stronger... if he acts this cold towards me, how am I supposed to do? Be stronger and hold on until tomorrow so I can visit the hospital and have it check up. I thought being in relationship would at least give me some comfort. The way he went straight into his room after making the dinner and close the door behind him, as if he threw a handful of ice cubes at me. This is just how much he loves me, as he always claims. Just be stronger, either things will all be well, or be really bad. Either way I didn't come to this world in vain, though if I left, I would have some disappointments with me, but I guess I need to learn how to handle them myself, not relying on someone else.

How about?

I could hear his snoring...through the closing door...like an old man drinking a cup of hot tea and have to make the sound to show that it is hot, really? The energy drink is in front of me, I do not want to take it, it appears to me like poison and would ruin my night competely... let me sleep please, allow me to do so...
我的手指弹落在键盘犹如在弹钢琴一样，可是我不怎么会弹钢琴。我默默自语，无人知晓我的声音。但是没有关系，一点关系也没有，因为我知道我还在这里，不再别处。
不再留恋过去，留恋不属于自己幻想。看着朋友赠予的幸运熊，不知道她今夕是否幸运。喜欢眼前有一排书的视觉效应，感觉有支撑不会太空。一切在我眼前都是静止的，包括鼾声阵阵丈夫。这一切将会静止下去直到明日清晨闹钟响起。我应该去睡觉，这样才能听到闹钟敲响。

Distored memory

It was a really strange day yesterday, things happend and I behaved in all very strange ways. Feeling old is a terrible feeling. It happens after I met an old friend not seen for 4 years, but she just looked so much like a housewife and not a happy one with some bitterness. I didn't like the feeling of meeting her at all and had to sit there listen to all her office politics, what's more how she felt sorry for herself. It is so wiered when in the daytime, I was experiencing time moving forward but at night, the time was moving backward to me..