a fight is a fight

For some reason, I am hoping for Typhone 8 arrive in Hong Kon at some point soon. Maybe in that case, I don't have to go out any more. Staying at home is such a luxurary thing and I am enjoying it.
It looks like we can live like this for a long long time. It won't do any good for either of us. So I decided to call a meeting between him and I. So I started the talk...
2:37pm
Are you still angry? do you think you need a bit more time to stay apart? I am not angry anymore for a couple of days. I think maybe today is a good time after a week of cooling down ourselves. So, I would like to call for a meeting to solve the conflict between you and me, calmly, if you are willing to as well.
2:37 PM
I am not angry either.
2:38 PM
We can probably sit down for a 'meeting'...
2:39 PM
Can you come home early today then?
2:39 PM
Early as in what time?
2:40 PM
as early as you can.
2:41 PM
I can probably make it for around 4pm.
2:41 PM
(Unless something comes up, which is unlikely, though)
2:42 PM
4 is ok for me.
2:42 PM
would be great if you can print out pages from the following webistes and bring them back: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/The_3_Biggest_Mistakes_Couples_Make_to_Kill_the_Passion.html
2:43 PM
http://creativeconflicts.com/2008/10/5-tips-to-conflict-proof-your-marriage-raising-your-happiness-by-eliminating-the-stress-of-conflict/
2:43 PM
can you do that?
2:43 PM
working on it
2:43 PM
http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/couples/comm_conflictstyle.shtml
2:45 PM
http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/couples/comm_productive.shtml
2:45 PM
http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/couples/comm_makepeace.shtml
2:46 PM
they are just from the same websites.
2:46 PM
I noticed...
2:46 PM
thanks and see you at 4 then.
2:47 PM
See you at 4
A meeting is set, so let's see how it will go. Things I think that should be disscussed: 1. how to spend weekend. 2. how to deal with our differences in lifestyle (lesisure time). 3. how to better communicate with each other. 4. how to make effort to make more friends.

the fight goes on...

This is the fourth day we haven't speak to each other. Feels so odd, but at the same time it is expected. It would be really rare for him to start to speak with me face to face. He likes a bit teasing and watering down everything. We are both stubborn, but this time I have to insist doing so because I do not want to take any his attitude anymore. Everytime, it was me who finds him and make over, at least last four or five times. This time, I will not and I think I deserve better than this. It is not that I can't do it again, but I think he does not really care much about it, or care enough about it. Marriage between us is more like old couple's. Eating and sleeping separately, avoiding seeing each other, arguing a lot during the weekend (we seldom have good weekend together). Together we watch a lot of videos, other than that we don't have any social life. He was never initiating to make friends other than people of the care group from his church. I was a total different person, not religious and like making friends. With him, I just feel I am a different person, somehow behaving the way he is expecting me to be given that he does not make any initiation of making new friends.
After talking with yara, I felt slightly better although that big knot is still hanging in my chest. I am going to hold on for another day because I know god knows how this will turn out. God, please give me wisdom and patience to deal with the tough situation right now. All will be well.

Life with peace!

what a day! A day without the man. Everything is calm inside me, and everything goes well and in peace, which surprises me a lot. Yoga helps me to concentrate on things that matter and ignore things that are disturbing. It is a dicipline to self-control my thoughts, but I am trying to managing them well so far. The thoughts of separating from him is so strong that I found myself cooling down from the anger. I am not angry with him that much anymore, but I know it is not going to work out between him and me. All these time I have been telling myself trying live with reality, trying accept the reality, but the more I try, the more I find myself squeazed into a corner that I could not get out and find it difficult even to breath. It is really difficult to live with him without worry and nervousness. The fights and row between us become draining and pointless. Once the decision is made and I am trying to live with the fact that we are living separate lives together. I suddenly feel relieved for many reasons. I need to relax a little bit more and enjoy my own life, instead of negotiating with his and trying to fit in his all the time. I don't think there is much to change in his life except for there is one less in his life, but for me my whole routine is different and a lot more livilier. Maybe it is still early to say things like these. I will keep live my own way and he lives his. We will see where the different ways take him and I to!

What more can I say about a man?

I don't think I like him at all with his sulkiness and spoiled-difficult child like. It is really boring living together with him if there is no films or TV series. He doesn't have any friends he could relate himself to at all in this town. Usually his lack of interests in making friends and outdoor activities drag me down as well. It is almost impossible to make friends that we both share good time with. We have such different tastes of things that are enjoyable to us as individuals. There is no sexual interests between us anymore, especially living in separate bedrooms because of his loud snore kept me up the whole night. He does not have any sex drive at all since his job got more and more stressful. He doesn't have any good ideas other than work. He is maybe good at his work but he sucks in private life. He is a lousy lover, especially when he couldn't care less...

An sulky evening

I am angry with myself that the evening went into a certain emotional dump for me. It started with me walking into the bathroom where he was taking a bath after watching Wang Xiaoshui's In Love We Trust. He asked me about the film and I told him about the film, but without me finishing, I could already see his impatience on his face. Expected he asked if I could keep an eye on some latest Chinese films for him because he needed form his work. No problem, of course. And I continued to tell him a few about several current director like Ning Hao, Lu Chuan. But he said nowadays the Chinese film was Nanjing Nanjing, and I corrected 'maybe there are actually other films as well like...". Maybe he didn't like my tone or so, the conversation sounded more and more like a competition until when we talked about a discussion on Wang Xiaoshuai's comment about directors of commercial films are not good directors. He mentioned 798 in Beijing was like that, I agreed but there was some disagreement on Ai Weiwei who is a famous Chinese artist, architecture and activist of human rights. We discussed some minor facts about him but the tension between us were rather heated. I just could not help noticing how much he wanted to sound that he knew more than I did. I really felt tired and even stressed about it. By now I don't even know if it is because of him or myself, I feel difficult to discuss with him about some simple subject. He needs absolute right, I need nice conversation although trying hard to ignore the difficulties with him.
The he dragged me to the bathtub, even so, that was not enough heat for us to enjoy much. Maybe I am down and saying so, what happened in the following didn't help with our intimacy at all. There was constant a few raw throughout until he picked on me putting feet on the bed. I lost my interests at all remaining engaging in any conversation with him and started to sulk until the fight broke up between us. What's wrong? I wish someone can help me to think here.