when I am not happy, I am here

Every time I feel down and anxious, the only way I could find myself is here when all my old friends are far away and new ones are nowhere to be found. Another weekend, another fight between him and me. Tiny little thing, as simple as one plus one, caused a sensational fights freezing us from seeing or talking to each other. The bad energy keep recurring that I have no idea how to end it in a way that both of us are exempt from hurting each other. We can only be colleagues like porcupines. Talking about the world, the university, the system are absolutely no problem between us, but we just can't talk like lovers or even friends. We were discussing about shopping list and not sure what kind of meat to buy. I suggested chicken but didn't have concrete ideas what exactly I would like to cook. Then I went on to ask him what he would like to have. There it went, he kept pressing that I should let him know what I will cook first before he could tell me what he would like. I was not sure what I will cook and was relatively lade back early in the morning, so I didn't have any answer. He went complaining and told me that I was interrupting him from giving me any answer. While he complained, his tones went immidiately serious and high. I tried not to get annoyed first, but then he went on and on ...Then this weekend is again finished for us.